that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
