dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
