take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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