the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
