I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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