This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
