you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
