arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You smell like stripper and shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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