oh god the rape fog is back!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
