Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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