He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
