i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
