I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
