party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
