oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
