If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
