living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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