i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
