it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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