i already hear my dad disowning me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
