8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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