Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
