Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
