gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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