RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
