That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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