and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
