just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just gift wrapped bread.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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