Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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