you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
