I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
