It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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