I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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