it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
