I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
