I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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