i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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