That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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