I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
