go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
