He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
