I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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