Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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