I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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