i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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