This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
