I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
