so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
