My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
