She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
