She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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