I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
