the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
