Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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