Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
