Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i will never coherently bang her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
