we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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