fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
