then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
