I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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