ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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