you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
being pregnant is like rehab
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
