PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
