He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
