the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
