i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
