i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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