So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
